The Impossible Choice for Single Mums: The Cost of Living vs. The Cost of Leaving

For most people, the phrase "cost of living" means tightening the budget, cutting back on takeaway coffees, and maybe skipping the occasional online shopping spree. But for single mums trapped in abusive relationships, the cost of living isn’t just about inflation, it’s about survival. And when that cost is weighed against the cost of leaving, the numbers don’t just look daunting; They look impossible.

The Financial Trap

Let’s be clear, leaving an abusive relationship isn’t as simple as packing a bag and walking out the door. There are rent bonds, utility bills, legal fees, childcare expenses, and the ever-looming question, how do you make it all work on one income (or none at all)?

Statistically, financial abuse is a key tactic used by abusers to maintain control. By restricting access to money, sabotaging employment, or racking up debts in their partner’s name, abusers create a scenario where leaving feels financially catastrophic. And thanks to the soaring cost of living, many women face the gut-wrenching choice between staying in danger or stepping into poverty.

Lack Of Government Support

Sure, there are government payments designed to help women escape domestic violence, but let’s not pretend they’re a golden ticket to freedom. Crisis payments are often a one-time help, but not nearly enough to rebuild a life. Meanwhile, rental assistance, childcare subsidies, and Centrelink benefits come with long wait times, endless paperwork, and income caps that somehow assume you can survive on a pittance.

And let’s talk about social housing for a second. The waitlist for public housing is often years long, leaving many single mums couch-surfing, stuck in motels, or returning to their abuser out of sheer desperation.

Employment Barriers

Even if a woman manages to leave, finding stable employment isn’t straightforward. Many single mums have been out of the workforce for years, looking after kids while their partner worked (or prevented them from working). And even if they do find a job, childcare costs are astronomical. Imagine working a full-time job just to pay for daycare.

And let’s not forget the emotional toll. Leaving an abusive relationship isn’t just about logistics, it’s about healing from trauma while trying to keep children safe and stable. Employers aren’t exactly lining up to hire people dealing with court battles, restraining orders, and PTSD.

The System Is Broken

It’s easy to say, “Just leave.” But for many women, the choice isn’t between staying and leaving, it’s between staying and homelessness, staying and starving, staying and losing their children because they can’t afford to care for them alone. We need real solutions. Increased financial support. Faster access to crisis housing. Better employment pathways for single mums. Because right now, the system isn’t just failing these women, it’s trapping them. So the next time someone asks, “Why didn’t she just leave?”—maybe ask instead, “How can we make it possible for her to leave?”